A message to the girl who is a little too hard on herself.

You will rise higher the minute you release the pressure that has been pushing you down.

Bella Martin

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To the girl who is a little too hard on herself, I know it might seem like no matter what you do it’s never enough. I know it can feel like you’re falling behind, like you can’t keep up or you’re not even sure that you want to because if living up to expectations comes at the expense of your inspiration, could it really be worth it?

Is there something wrong with you or is there something wrong with the idea that becoming different is the only way you can finally be accepted? Is there something wrong with you or is the real problem that you are trying to build a life under the impossible pressure of living up to an ideal that doesn’t exist?

You will never be perfect, but it was never about that anyway. Perfectionism has less to do with attaining it and more to do with making it look like you have. It has nothing to do with the self and everything to do with others.

Do you see how the desire to be perfect is inextricably linked to the desire to be loved? Do you understand that the reason it feels so painful to take risks is because you are terrified of being rejected, of having someone else confirm all of the fears you already have about yourself?

When we spend our lives in self-rejection, once we have internalized the belief that we are bad, unloveable, or unworthy, our resilience cracks. With nothing solid to ground ourselves in, with no undeniable sense of self-worth, our identities exist in the hands of everyone but our own. Without realizing it, we relinquish our right to self-determination.

Instead of exploring our values, we work to exemplify those that are socially accepted. Instead of trying to do our best, we think we have to be the best and instead of evaluating our efforts based on intentions, we judge them only by outcomes.

If you’re hard on yourself there’s probably a reason you think you have to be. Maybe you believe the purpose of life is growth and you have a hard time remembering that it isn’t always, if ever, linear.

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Bella Martin

words of healing, hope & happiness. | instagram: @bellamwrites