Stop shaming yourself to change when there’s a softer way.
We often say success requires discipline, but what if there was a softer way?
We can’t shame ourselves into true growth because whatever we push down within us eventually resurfaces with even greater force. The more we try to discipline ourselves into actions we have no real desire to take, and the more times we fail to do so, the less we trust ourselves. The less we believe in our ability to build lives that will fulfill us; lives that we look forward to growing into.
The word discipline holds a connotation of punishment. When we feel compelled to discipline ourselves into being better or doing more, this need is always driven by a sense of lack — of not having what we think we should have, of not being who we think we must be, and of needing to live up to a standard we hope will prove that we are worthy of love. That we are worthy of anything at all.
As long as we are trying to change from an underlying sense of unworthiness, our efforts to improve will always be battling against a core belief that we are incapable of it. Inner strictness leads to even more shame, overcommitting causes even harsher self-criticism, and the fear of not being good enough leads us to become hyper-aware of any signs that suggest we aren’t.
